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Jul. 9th, 2011

So I have been working on the plot for the sequal to Home Is Where the Heart Is. I know what direction I want it to take. I just really don't know ecactly how to get it all out. This is the first story where I will use flash backs and detailed memories. Gah. This will also be my very first solo multichapter story.
On another note my fiance asked me to help him write a book. I have agreed. In all actuality he wants to come up with the plot and characters and he just wants me to do the actual writting. I guess we will see how that goes.

I loved you once....I love you still

Lately I have really been missing the love from a woman. I mean, I am bi and I have gone years with out a relationship with a female. I almost thought I was straight. But I can't deny that I miss that connection you can only get with a female. I wrote Billy and talked to him about it. I hope that he doesn't take offense and helps me work through it. Since I have written him I have figured out that it is not the connection of just any woman I am missing but the love of a very special female in my life. We dated for years off and on. When we were off it was because of me. I was brought up to think that gay relationships were wrong so when I was with her I felt wrong. She has always been so loving. She is a beautiful creature. I miss her terribly. We are now good friends but I can no longer deny the longing and emptiness I have when I talk to her. I know she deserves better than me. There is a part of me that wants to go there, drop down on my knees, beg for her forgiveness, and spend the rest of my life with her. However, I love Billy too. I could never do that to him. I know I can't have them both. So I just need to let her move on and be happy. It's just easier said than done.

I would rather be kicked in the face...


So I have postpartum really bad. I think I'm getting emotional whip lash. I go from one extreme to another. I am lucky to have something to keep my mind busy. I love to read and when my son and the three girls I watch let me I love to read the vam fan fiction Closed Door. It really rocks my world.
It also helps that my fiance tries to write me atleast twice a week. We have really worked on our relationship since he's been away. Damn, I cant wait for him to come home.

Rest In Peace

I really wish I could start this off on a better note but sadly my first post is about the awful and sudden death of Ryan Dunn.
He is, at least to me, one of those celebrities that you wish you could have known. Not for a side seat to fame or because of their looks (though, he did have a certain something that set him in an attractive light), but because of his personality. He really came off as one of those guys that you would love to just be around.
I dare say that the world lost something special today.
Rest in peace Ryan Dunn.

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